Category: happiness

Categories
Anxiety Counselling Dealing with a Crisis Distress Tolerance happiness Healing letting go of fear

How to Stay Strong and Calm During a Crisis

Achieve steadiness of mind or equanimity with your daily routine. This develops the ability to stay balanced and calm no matter what your situation. External circumstances are unpredictable, with uncertainties, challenges, and surprises around each corner. Inner peace and strength become our allies as we navigate through this turbulence that makes up our life journey. With these positive qualities, you stay calm in your life’s adventures, learn emotional control, and gain a solid connection with yourself. You can then become receptive to solutions, even in the face of great adversity. 

Learn the Ability to Stay Calm and Balanced No Matter What Your Situation

“You always own the option of having no opinion. There is never any need to get worked up or to trouble your soul about things you can’t control. These things are not asking to be judged by you. Leave them alone.”  

  • Marcus Aurelius:Roman Emperor

Tell Yourself There is No Room in Your Mind For Worry, Fear or Anxiety

Patience is the ability to stay steadfast and composed in challenging times both large and small. Limitless patience involves being steadfast and present at the moment with a calmness that lets you watch as events unfold without you forcing them without attachment to a future outcome. Tell yourself there is no room in your mind for worry, fear or anxiety, only inner peace, calm and trust through your heart’s wisdom and guidance.

First, acknowledge those uncomfortable feelings or emotions you may be avoiding. Allowing yourself these emotions puts you in a position of strength. It helps you to listen to the still voice within your heart. Accessing this powerful wisdom allows you to focus on enjoying where you are along your path and to savour each experience as it presents itself. 

Living from the heart takes courage and determination. Sometimes we have to leave the comfortable and predictable future others have created for us and enter our own journey towards a life in alignment with what our heart’s desire is and believe it is possible. 

Our Primal Brain Looks for Fear and Can Become Reactive

Years of counselling people with anxiety, trauma, and depression, has enlightened me on the human condition. We are all works in progress with raw potential and capable of self-improvement to become the best versions of ourselves. Our primal brain looks for fear and can become reactive. By understanding our biology, we can maintain a calm state of mind despite challenges, chaos and painful life circumstances. 

Notice what is going on in your inner world, and what you are doing with your thoughts and actions. Practice letting go of fears about the future and stop ruminating on past events. Instead of wishing you could control challenges and problems, accept the circumstances.This does not mean you condone what has happened; the grief and loss is extremely painful and you want to acknowledge your feelings and express them and allow yourself to heal. Although equanimity means the practice of staying calm and centred despite adversity, the way we cope with adversity, loss, and distress is individual. We are better equipped to help ourselves and others when calm, which is a healthier state for our heart, health and immune system. If we show resilience during humbling failures or debilitating losses depends on our perspective. 

Each person handles adversity and loss and distress differently with their own perception of the event. Some go over the edge with small demands, others show amazing courage and strength in handling massive challenges. How you re-frame and put events in perspective and use mental imagery influences the way you see the circumstance. For example, if you have a painful experience you recalled, you may have an emotional thought surrounding the situation, but if you reframe and evaluate it differently you can move toward  a solution. Practice the fine art of relaxing and then re-framing your story of the situation with a helpful solution. This builds strength and resilience during a stressful event.

Call to Action: REST

R- Relax your jaw, shoulders and hands , take a deep breath and say RELAX on the exhale.

E-Evaluate.Take a big step back outside of  the issue. How could you reframe this situation to improve this moment?

S-Stay solution focused. Find the wise voice within you that knows what to do.Become quiet, present and still for two minutes  and ask for your wisdom within yourself: we all have it. 

T-Take action.What can you do to improve how you feel right now?Imagine the best outcome, despite the chaos. Practice emotional control and steadiness of mind daily. This does not come easily to us due to our primal tendency to be reactive and anxious to stay safe. You are not denying the chaos, but can helping others shine a torch on a new direction. Never underestimate your ability to be compassionate to others, and uplift them during painful times.

Relieve anxiety symptoms and improve mental health with Heartmath

Seek calm everyday instead of waiting for it to happen. Accepting that things change lessens your suffering. Equanimity helps us stay calm during painful events. The world is unstable and consistently changing. The practice of equanimity means you learn non-reactivity without being carried away or swept by the good, the bad and the ugly and find wisdom instead.

Categories
Distress Tolerance happiness Stress

4 Effective Habits of Happiness to Relieve Stress and Navigate Your Mind Toward Health and Well-Being

Relieve Stress
Relieve stress and navigate your mind toward happiness and well-being

Make Happiness Your New Foundation

Train your heart and brain to make happiness your new foundation. There will still be challenges, but you will create a new baseline in your heart, brain and nervous system for happiness instead of stress. This new benchmark will increase your resilience and be an inspiration to others. The new habits you adopt make this baseline a possibility with our current knowledge of neuroplasticity. The brain changes according to its experience, and you can take charge and navigate your mind toward health and well-being.

“Take responsibility of your own happiness, never put it in other people’s hand’s” Roy T. Bennett author of “The Light in the Heart”

Acknowledge Your Stressors


Expressing happiness and enthusiasm is an inspiration to others in our fast-paced digital world where there is always something on the horizon. We have round-the-clock news reporting on the ineptitude of governments, storms, wildfires to wars, fatalities and now the coronavirus. Rapidly advancing technology brings with it the pressure to shape up and align ourselves to ever-changing trends on Instagram and Facebook. People are continually in search of likes and validation through social media. There is a long list of stressors that impedes our inner peace.

Strive for contentment despite what happens around you. We have an illusion that circumstances, places, trips, cars, purchases and more money will make us happy. These are short-lived boosts we believe validates who we are. Put your energy into your values, what is meaningful, and gravitate towards what will last.

You Are a Chameleon


A chameleon has perfected the art of camouflage through changing its colour and adapts to its changing environment with resilience. Similar to this old world lizard, our wise and resilient mind leads to genuine happiness through simple daily practices.

Call to Action:

1)Recognize and Reframe

When you notice stress is developing, select methods to neutralize it before it escalates. Redirect your mind to recognize negative thoughts and reframe them. Steer yourself away from crippling beliefs and distorted thoughts that have you confined. These are mistaken ideas which we have created which inhibit us from achieving our goals. Learn to reframe thoughts through effective and positive affirmations. Get hold of these limiting notions and don’t allow your emotions to control you.

Say Stop;Reframe


Notice negative thoughts. An example would be “I can never seem to get this done” to “I am doing this easily and effortlessly.” Say to yourself, stop and reframe. Find a new way, no matter how challenging it is, to find one element of good in your situation. We become what we envision the most. Having fear as a guide impacts thoughts, influencing your abilities. Talk to that fearful person inside yourself; ask him or her to sit this one out so you may take full charge. When you alter your mindset to give yourself happy thoughts, you change your brain chemistry, heart rhythm and improve health and wellbeing.

“Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it. You must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it.” Elizabeth Gilbert author of Eat, Pray, Love


It is unfortunate that we work less on lightheartedness and latch onto more stress. Anxiety and stress has turned into our default setting, and we have made that our new normal, becoming accustomed to fear as the familiar voice. Reroute your intellect towards a happier default setting for health and wellness.

2)Understand Fear of Happiness and Enthusiasm

Enthusiasm and happiness can be a source of fear, as we might dread being out of control. Our negativity bias scans for the worst, which causes anxiety. We perceive being too happy and positive might upset other people, or someone may perceive it as abnormal. But this idea is far from the truth. It is our brain’s primal natural tendency and need for safety that keeps pushing us towards familiar negative thoughts. 


Fear of being happy crosses many generations. We search for a hazard to arrive, and over time, projecting this culture of negativity completes a cycle of doom. This doesn’t mean that we ignore adversity, loss and pain. It means educating our upcoming resilient, wise and peaceful generation to have compassion for themselves and others. Establishing happiness as a foundation is a valuable achievement. Learn a set of higher level emotions such as joy, love, appreciation, gratitude, forgiveness and compassion to reduce fear and anxiety.

Photo by Jakob Owens 

3)Understand the Science of How Happiness Affects Your Heart

Heart coherence means your heart, brain and nervous system are in sync, which results in a smooth even heart rhythm and neurochemistry that improves mood. Studies show you can influence another’s heart rhythm by staying coherent yourself. The happier your state is, the lighter the mood is of those around you. Happiness and a genuine smile is contagious. Our relationship to joy is a responsibility for ourselves and others. Fear and negative emotions is contagious and has a ripple effect. Sometimes we have a false belief that if we’re not suffering or anxious, we are falling short and not doing enough. We have many generations of worriers. But by making happy our new normal, we help new generations to develop reservoirs of strength and resilience.  

I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery-air, mountains, trees, people. I thought this is what it is to be happy” Sylvia Plath author of “The Bell Jar”

4)Lean into a Happiness Habit Each Day


New lifestyle patterns such as reading inspirational material, Heartmath exercises, and mindfulness practice resources, help you gain insight into your brain’s neuroplasticity, which can cause lasting change. Repetition is the key to working beyond our reptilian brain that wants to stay fearful, negative and afraid. You have everything within you to recondition your brain to discover joy and happiness.

Get revved up on what you will do next, and focus on an idea that sparks your creativity and excitement. This creates a powerful positive force you can rely upon to keep pushing you forward. Think of this energy as emanating from an untapped precious source. This impacts vitality and health.

Once you are aware of this precious resource within, it becomes our responsibility to use them for the health benefits of our bodies. We often mistake excitement with fear. Transform your fear energy into forward-moving solutions and make whatever task you need to do easier. Make happiness your new revolution. Enjoy every minute of your journey and make your life a beautiful song.

About the Author:

https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt
Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters, which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.

Categories
anger Anxiety assertiveness Conflict resolution Dealing with a Crisis Distress Tolerance happiness letting go of fear

Reset Your Anger and be a Class Act With These 6 Skills

Gabe had a history of angry outbursts, and was staring at the smoking ruins of his marriage. He was a foreman for a large construction company, and his blind irrational fury with his employees, resulted with a large group of them quitting. When I met him, Gabe and his wife were separated as a result of his out of control anger issues, and he was well known for his yellow jacket temper. He had become addicted to rage, and it flared swiftly like a twister cloud. He blamed everyone around him for his state of mind. It’s safe to say I was meeting Gabe at his lowest of lows, and he was seeking Anger Management exercises. His doctor told him he had high blood pressure and if he didn’t manage his anger, he would be on his way to coronary artery disease.


“Hello Gabe,” I said with a warm smile, motioning him to a chair near the window.

“Very often in everyday life one sees that by losing ones’s temper with someone who has already lost his, one does not gain anything but only sets out upon the path of stupidity. He who has enough self control to stand firm at the moment when the other person is in a temper wins in the end” Hazrat Inayat Khan author of Mastery Through Accomplishment


He glowered at me, his fists were clenched. I didn’t need to guess what his feelings were as they were written all over his face. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair looking at me sideways. “I don’t know why I need therapy, it’s those guys that need their head fixed!” he growled. Immediately, he launched into a tirade of complaints about his employees. By this point he’d already been to traditional Cognitive Behaviour Therapy for several years. He knew his way around the therapy block, but something wasn’t working for him, this was evident. His quick temper always rebounded without improvement. Anger always been his primary addiction, and it swung around him in drunken circles.


“What are you going to tell me that I don’t already know?” he snarled, the slow glow of anger working up from his collar to his face.

An Effective Alternative to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy

“It’s what I will show you,” I said, as I organized the power points and biofeedback screen on my computer. 

The Science of the Heart by Doc Childre is an evidence-based approach used by the HeartMath Institute in which researchers study human thoughts, emotions, and behaviours through studying the heart rhythm. I showed him diagrams of the science of the heart and brain and nervous system and explained what anger did to his heart rhythm and biochemistry. I then showed him his heart rhythm on the computer biofeedback screen, and showed him how he could change his chaotic rhythm to a smooth even wave, and improve his health. Towards the end of the counselling session with Gabe, after utilizing heart focused breathing, his facial expressions and posture changed drastically. One month later, after a combined effort of Biofeedback combined with my shortened version of Mindfulness Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, Gabe’s wife approached me in my office.

“What did you say to my husband?” she exclaimed as she peered in the door.

I paused, and took in a breath my eyes wide open, scanning my mind.

“He has changed and is cheerful and actually smiling! I’ve really never seen him happy!” she said.

Gabe was now able to understand how his anger was affecting him emotionally and physically, causing his life to spiral out of control. Learning Anger Management Skills helped Gabe quickly gain control of his anger giving him tools to put things in proper perspective when faced with daily triggers. Having experienced benefits from these techniques, he continued with counselling and reunited with his wife. “I feel a freedom, I was not expecting”, he said matter of factly with a smile. 

“Anger…it’s a paralyzing emotion..you can’t get anything done.People sort of think it’s an interesting, passionate, and igniting feeling — I don’t think it’s any of that — it’s helpless … it’s absence of control — and I need all of my skills, all of the control, all of my powers … and anger doesn’t provide any of that — I have no use for it whatsoever.” Interview with CBS radio host Don Swaim

Anger is a Signal You Need a Course Correction

 Anger is a natural part of being human and is a signal that you need a course correction. It is a temporary emotion usually with the original intention to seek a solution not just to lose control and express angst. You can learn to deal with anger and problem solve without hurting others. When you practice anger management skills you are taking responsibility for your health and communication in your relationships. It is important to let go of anger instead of hanging onto it once the problem is over and done. Anger can be addicting and habit forming and this becomes unhealthy for heart health and relationships. You don’t want to hide or ignore your anger however you want to recognize it as part of your human nature and that it can be handled skillfully. There are many ways that people express anger which can become habit forming.

Anger Issues Affect Heart Health

If you go off the handle and go from 0 to 60 really quickly and stay angry for a period you should understand it is detrimental to heart health. When you avoid your anger it can also take its toll on physical and emotional well-being. Instead of avoiding anger you can learn healthy skills and use it as a useful tool for assertively standing up for yourself. Angry emotion affects the heart putting it into a chaotic rhythm. It also drains energy, so it is important to learn useful anger skills that are effective. Conflict can improve relationships when it is handled well, it is only a signal that things need attention and they need to be dealt with in an honest and open way. When anger is avoided, it can be turned inward with self criticism or self harm. Don’t be afraid of your anger as it is a human emotion that gives you an opportunity to set boundaries for safety. It is important to stand up for yourself if you feel pushed around or disrespected. Courageously stand up for yourself, take charge and say no to what you don’t want. Practice being very clear when you mean yes and when you mean no., This takes courage to be honest and open about what you want and what you don’t want. You don’t have to light up quickly with rage to get what you need. You can be quietly and assertively effective. Be wise. If you go off like guns blazing, and angry your defensive actions make you less credible and you could end up not being listened to.


Call to Action:


1)Tell the other person specifically what you want by naming the specific behaviour.
Tell them how you felt.
Tell them specifically what you would like to see as the outcome in the relationship.
Do this in a calm tone of voice. If you cannot, take a break, go for a walk, and come back when you are relaxed.


2)Learn to be clear when you mean yes and when you mean no. If you’re not sure, give yourself time to think about it, and come back to the conversation later.


3)The next time you feel furious, instead of lighting up quickly realize the emotion you are experiencing, take a deep breath, and take a pause to give yourself that space to look at it rationally. If you need to apologize with your part in the disagreement, don’t wait, and speak from the heart.


4)Look for the warning signs when tension is rising. Stop ignoring the signs that anger is building and recognize when you are impatient and frustrated. When you ventilate in a sudden explosion, it rarely solves the problem and has you feeling worse as well as the other person feeling upset. Anger can be addicting due to the rush of adrenaline and every time you light up quickly you are training your brain to do it again.


5)When you feel these warning signs it’s time to take a time out and go for a walk, relax and let go of the physical and emotional tension. Breath in deeply, and do a long exhale as though letting go of the steam. Come back to the situation when you are calm, willing to talk quietly, slowly, and listen to what others have to say. With practice this gets easier and easier overtime.


6)Give yourself a chance to reclaim your emotions and accept that you are human. Make a commitment to notice anger and trust that you can deal with anger in a rational, healthy and assertive way.



About the blog author:
Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters, which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information go to:
https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt
Categories
Anxiety Dealing with a Crisis Distress Tolerance happiness letting go of fear

How to Deal With Anxiety, Overwhelm and Frustration With One Fast and Effective Tool

The Key to Being Strong During This Challenging Time With COVID 19

The key to being strong in the face of adversity is to practice mindfulness by taking a step back outside of the situation and look at it as a quiet observer. Heartmath Quick Coherence Technique gives you a tool for that pause during this challenging time with COVID 19. When you jump into the problem, you are in a much less effective state to deal with it, than if you take a step out of it. Much stress can be prevented by practicing pause and calm. Pausing before responding to situations gives us a chance to be in charge, rather than be in a stressed out and reactive state, worse having a panic attack. Rushing, we can miss inner signals to pause when needed. Our mental and emotional energies can jam with anxiety, frustration or overwhelm and it is more effective instead to pause, and ask our heart’s intelligence what perception would give us inner balance and clear direction. I have found that when you learn non-reactivity without being carried away or swept away by external difficult circumstances you find wisdom instead.

By Regulating Your Heart Rhythm You Can Relieve Anxiety

Remember that the heart is the CEO, and can bring you to a state of ease, so instead of trying to master your thought process ruled by the cognitive part of your brain learn to re-calibrate a belief of safety and refuge through regulating your heart rhythm. In my experience this is the deepest and most permanent way to feel better, and one of the best ways to manage anxiety. When you do heart focused breathing you put your heart in a coherent state with thoughts of joy, love, appreciation gratitude, compassion and forgiveness. This is a higher level of thinking which puts your heart rhythm in a smooth even wave. If you stay in a lower level state of anger, despair and anxiety your heart rhythm is in an incoherent state or in a jagged wave which can cause stress-related disorders.

“Don’t let your mind drown out your intuitive voice, train your subconscious to be positive by using the hearts intelligence” Steven Redhead author of Unleash the Power of Your Heart and Mind”

  1. Put your hand on your heart and focus your attention there.
  2. Imagine your breath is flowing in and out through your heart.
  3. Focus on the photo of this beautiful bunny and breath in the feeling of love into your heart.
  4. Once you have shifted into a positive feeling, sustain this emotion by continuing to do heart-focused breathing. http://www.heartmath.com

Stop The Worry Loop

At any point in time we are either in our primal state which is the fight flight zone of the sympathetic nervous system or we are in a healing and powerful state of the parasympathetic zone of the nervous system which means we are connected with the healing vagus nerve. Our primal state is limited with fears or insecurities, doubts, worries and anxieties, as this is is the cognitive part of our brain which is a lower level state. When we are overthinking things and getting into a worry loop, this can be mentally draining and affect health. At any point in time we have the choice to shift out of this primal state into the higher and healthier state of heart coherence, connecting with joy, creativity and inspiration.

“And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” Antoine De Saint-Exupery author of “The Little Prince”

Call To Action:

Whenever you are in your monkey mind with your thoughts are racing out of control understand that you are in this primal state and notice your negative inner dialogue. Say OK I am in a primal unhealthy state and I am now going to my powerful higher level state. Put your hand on your heart, do heart focused breathing and know that your higher level of intelligence lies in the intuitive voice of your heart.

Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters, which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information click on the photo or go to:
https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt

Categories
Anxiety assertiveness Counselling happiness Healing letting go of fear self esteem Uncategorized

Four Steps to Wrangle Your Inner Critical Voice, and Handle Anything That Comes Your Way

“There is a magnificent, beautiful wonderful painting in front of you! It is intricate, detailed, a painstaking labour of devotion and love! The colours are like no other, they swim and leap, and trickle and embellish! And yet you choose to fixate your eyes on the small fly which has landed on it! Why do you do such a thing? C. Joybell C

Kim recently co- authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters,which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information go to:https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt

The love of self clarifies the artistic beauty in each one of us. It helps us appreciate our authenticity and cultivate a habit of love for ourselves and others. Acceptance gives us the courage to share and celebrate our own stories. This gives us the freedom to be comfortable in our own skin making us feel like we truly belong and thus capable of a positive contribution. Do not measure yourself to an ideal image. You have a great inner resource of creativity and intelligence. Have a self-loving view of your quest for self-discovery. You don’t have to be anyone else as you are a shining star, and perfect just the way you are. 

You are beautiful and unique in your own way and your life experiences like your footprints are second to none. So stop comparing and looking for validation from those within your circles. This not only disorients your life’s direction but also hinders your creativity. Be your own person and live your life only by your set of values. Let go of self-critical negative thoughts by removing doubts, fears, and insecurities. These could be your mental blocks and fears sourced from earlier experiences. Allow yourself to be optimistic and enthusiastic about your plans, using your ideas to build momentum toward your goals.  


Social media has made ours an era of validation. We question our originality, as the race for speed, beauty, smarts, accomplishments, and perfection heats up. How then do we search within ourselves and cultivate habits that are both ingenious and unique to our productivity? How do we stand our ground and resist the urge to compare and find that inner peace that is derived from being in a productive relationship with ourselves?

Once the concept of self is changed things consistent with the new concept of self are accomplished easily without strain and learning ability would change accordingly. I saw pictures of myself in grade 7. I appeared tall and strong with a beautiful smile, but I remember having this belief that I was ugly and gawky. The concept of imagined ugliness or body dysmorphia is not uncommon. The typical reaction for a person dealing with these thoughts is that they are ugly in their looks creates debilitating wounds, and to to heal, a person must first learn how to undertake a journey of self-discovery.

What I see especially in young people, is that they put too much stock in what others think about them. They don’t have trust in themselves which harms self-esteem. Remind yourself that you are the only person with your thoughts and mind. It is therefore important to learn how to trust and believe in yourself. Associate yourself with people who are positive and supportive and let go of critical and negative people. This approach harnesses your assertiveness, and this allows you to up your game and set the tone about how you want to be treated. With practice, you can learn the art of communication and this will help you set clear boundaries and this leads to mutual respect. 

Perception by definition refers to an individual’s recognition and analysis of sensory information. Perception plays an important role in creating personal experiences and helps understands a person’s character. For the most part, we will all perceive and approach our problems differently. This makes perception key in our attempts to realize holistic healing. Once you change the perception of the person you see in the mirror, you’ll have the ability to create your own destiny, and transform a fear, worry, and anxiety into a confident, positive energy.

“If you have the ability to love, love yourself first” Charles Bukowski”

Loving Yourself

It is rewarding to find someone whom you like, but it is even more essential to like yourself. Loving yourself fuels all your undertaking with such great vitality that if used well has the potential to create lasting experiences. We are quick to recognize the other person as better or decent but forget to view ourselves as equally good, loved and acceptable. Even as we delight in the discovery of others who we consider as worthy of respect and adoration you must not forget to be charitable to ourselves too. You cannot find yourself in the other person.  

Learning to love yourself means that you are no longer responding to worry and fear and rejection with negativity. You are aware of your flaws and your strong personality makes you to be accepting and makes you show love even to those undeserving of love. Self-love means that you are never stressing about your vulnerability and that you can hit that unfortunate bottom and still share your feelings from a place of love and not fear or anxiety. We root our feelings of happiness in our self-image. If we start with accepting ourselves by cultivating self-esteem and confidence other areas of our lives will blossom and reduce our fear and anxiety by letting go of inaccurate self-assessments.

A myth about achieving happiness is that if we do this, get that or become this, it will make us complete and happy. The truth, however, is that we are already complete and self-sufficient just as we are in this present moment. By accepting vulnerability and imperfections we become genuine contenders to self-discovery.  Self-esteem and self respect like planting seeds and watering them, requires cultivating each day. That critical inner voice is just your brain’s attempt to keep you safe but which ironically leaves you feeling worried and self-conscious. This is due to the negativity bias in the brain and its primitive ability to highlight the negative to keep us away from harm.

Four steps you can take to wrangle your inner critic:

1)Practice thought awareness that leads to a solution

Familiarize yourself with your thoughts and resist the temptation to pay attention to the unending narrative in your mind. You can get started with writing your most recurring thoughts and objectively dissect them and immediately reframe critical thoughts as they come up. Ask yourself whether these thoughts are exaggerated or biased as most of our thoughts are. If true, don’t admit defeat and start brainstorming ideas that can lead to a solution.

2) Take a break from the rumination

If the situation was questionable and embarrassing what good will come from repeatedly analyzing and replaying the same events in your head? Are you by chance thinking about the solution or just ruminating about the event needlessly? Stop trying to ‘not think about it’ as your negativity bias will keep you lurking around the very thing you’re looking to avoid. Instead, distract yourself with some activity. Go out for a walk or call that acquaintance you’ve been meaning to connect with for months.

3) Become your own advocate 

What advice did you give your upset friend who felt mistreated from a sudden loss or disappointment? Project the same advice you’d give to someone desperate for help and compassion to your own problems and let your own wise advice work the magic. 

4) Build on inner strengths

This is the integrity of character through the mental resistance to doubt or discouragement. The way to unleashing your inner strength is through nourishing your character. Make a list of the ten things about yourself that you are most proud of. It could be your physical skills, creative abilities, or any other attribute you can think of. Create a journal of self-appreciation and add to it each day, or as you think of a new attribute. Make a collage in the journal as a reminder of your self-worth and as an individual of merit who you are. Appreciate your history and story and meet it with compassion and understanding. Accept your circumstances and your flaws and shift into acceptance for what is happening right now. Think of how you will feel when you think enough of yourself to tackle the world on your own terms. Opt for courage in the face of adversity and don’t let fear influence your decisions. Be prepared to operate out of strength and use your authority to de-clutter your mind and create space for productive thoughts. Speak from your strength and you can handle any situation that comes your way!

I welcome your feedback, and please share with me your personal experiences and insights during this special week dedicated to Mental Health Awareness in Canada. From my heart, Kim


Kim Mowatt was a co-author of the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence:Mental Health Matters. The book was a charity for the Canadian Mental Health Association
Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters,which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information go to:
https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt
Categories
anger Anxiety assertiveness Conflict resolution Counselling Stress

How to Deal With Difficult People With These 5 Simple Steps

How to deal with difficult people and manage anger

Difficult people will challenge you with their judgments, old behaviours and patterns along with projecting their opinions. If you’re not grounded in confidence, clear and strong within yourself, you may be triggered, prodded and poked with your emotions in every direction, until you find yourself stewing in an angry reactive emotion. This can be stressful, physically exhausting and wreak havoc with your nervous system.

Anger Can Drain Our Energy Quickly

Reactive angry emotions can drain our energy extremely quickly. Let’s look at ways that we can release this old familiar pattern that is reactive, and drawn into people’s drama. You can learn ways of thriving in every situation, joyfully without fear and create a different perspective. You have everything you need to experience life with your feet planted firmly on solid ground, without being tossed and pushed around by circumstance, people’s negativity and your own thoughts.

Reacting to a Negative Event Causes a Chaotic Heart Rhythm

If you go over and over in your mind about a negative incident that happened after being harmed emotionally, you are adding more pain to the already traumatizing event. Ruminating of how things could have gone differently in an interaction, is illogical, as no amount of thinking about it changes the facts it is a past event. The sooner you let go of it, the better it is for your health. Reacting to a negative event causes a chaotic heart rhythm, as well as a flood of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, which can lead to stress-related disorders such as heart disease, anxiety, depression, insomnia and weight gain. Some people are bad for our health.

Learn The Fine Art Of Bold Communication Skills


Associate with people who are positive and supportive and if it is possible, let go, modify contact, or assert yourself with critical and negative people. Think of this as a step you take for your physical and mental well-being. It is important to identify who these people are and take action. Setting clear boundaries can improve your relationship with them. By learning the skill of assertiveness, you are saying to yourself and others that you value yourself, and it will set the tone for mutual respect. With practice, you can learn the fine art of bold communication skills, and this will help you set clear boundaries.

Quick Emergency Exercise After An Argument

1) Imagine that there is a drain  at the bottom of your feet.

2) Exhale out any negativity and see it disappear outside of yourself as it goes out of the drain at the bottom of your feet.

3) Inhale again breathing in fresh clean air and white light.

4) Keep exhaling negative material out of the drain and inhaling the clean white light until you feel clean, clear, and lighter.

5) Stay there for one minute and notice the peaceful and clear feeling you have. 

Through repetition, you become skilled with developing a filter that allows things in that make you feel good, and filtering out what is harming you, or could cause you harm. By taking on another’s negativity you’re harming yourself. Pay attention to how good it feels to have a peaceful feeling that is strong and wise. Each interaction in your life is teaching you valuable life lessons. Protect your well- being like gold.

I invite you to share with me your wisdom, experiences and insights.

Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters,which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information go to:
https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt

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Anti-Aging Costa Rica happiness Healing Stress visualization

Try This Simple Two Minute Fast and Effective Technique For Stress Relief

Learn to stay calming reduce anxiety and fear to maintain mental health and well being during stress, change and uncertainty.
Train yourself to stay calm during a crisis instead of reacting with stress and anxiety during a change.

Train Yourself to Become Calm during a Crisis

President Harry Truman dealt with stress remarkably well during World War II. His stressful job did not appear to have aged him, and he still had a youthful vitality. When asked how he did it, he stated “I have a foxhole in my mind.” His explanation was, that as a soldier needs recuperation and rest in a foxhole, he needed a retreat into his imagination to recover and rejuvenate from pressure.

When Mentally Exhausted Create a Foxhole in Your Mind

We can create this foxhole in our minds when mentally exhausted and drained by redirecting our thoughts into a movie of our own making. As your nervous system does not know the difference between a real or imagined experience, you can release yourself from worry and strain, with a two minute mental vacation.  

“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.” 

Steve Maraboli; Author of Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Stop,Pause and Recognize Your Stress

My forehead quilted in the tension,and I took a deep inhale after a stressful staff meeting. I went for a coffee break, in a quagmire of baffled cerebral congestion. While listening to the familiar, comforting slapping of Marlie’s clogs down the hallway, my mind is now travelling.

In times where everything I’ve known crumbles away, giving way to disorder and chaos, I remind myself of a distant memory; one I carry along with me on my mental journeys. A memory of a place untampered by civilization. An island away from the rest of the world.

This place was a secluded beach I and Glenn had found, close to Cabuya, Costa Rica. We were the only souls there, besides the creatures that held us in wonderment.

There was a vast stretch of white untampered sand, strewn with stones and adorned with seashells, the lapping waves washed the pebbled shores a crystal white, and the weeping jungle reached out from the tree line towards the sea, with howling monkeys dangling from its lean branches. Parakeets hopped along on the higher branches, quickly scurrying away when the capuchins neared them. The Capuchins were smaller monkeys than the howler monkeys and a native to the area. My curiosity led me to them, but I stopped short when the nearest one bared vicious canines at me.

Across the sand, crawling creatures emerged to witness us. Iguanas skittered away as we crossed the girth, bobbing their heads in mutual curiosity at us, and skittering further away when we neared them. Out in the distance, across the waters, massive aerial harpoons descended from the skies, pelicans aimed for prey. The minute display spun my mind.

This place is away from the rest of the world, a part of the earth allowed to grow untamed, closed off by nature itself, its thick vegetative arms cradled the bay, and stretched as far as vision carried till it transcended to jutting rocks that rose high into steep terrifying cliffs, a home to a diverse array of fauna and animals. The shrill calls of life from the trees were almost lost to the rushing roars of crashing waves, and the gentle stroking of cool and whistling salt breeze.

In my mind, this place is wild and far-reaching, unbridled in it’s growth, reminding me of how unruly and untamed our minds can be. Every time I find myself with cluttered thoughts, I’m reminded of this place and of the essence in practicing steadiness of mind daily. Bring your mind gently back to a peaceful place when it gets lost in a swirl of thought and worry.

By finding a peaceful and quiet sanctuary in your imagination you positively shift both your neurochemistry and heart rhythm which benefits health. Our life is a work of art, and we can become the masters of directing and creating our story. 

Whenever you feel tension mounting, give your mind the break that it deserves with beautiful memories. Create a two-minute experience to boost your brain chemistry, and practice it regularly. Studies show this can increase your productivity and effectiveness at work by reducing stress. I invite you to share with me your thoughts in the comments below. Where will you go on your next vacation?