Month: August 2019

Categories
Anxiety Dealing with a Crisis Distress Tolerance letting go of fear Mindfulness

When in a Crisis,Try These Four Steps That Work Quickly to Keep You Calm

“Sometimes there is no time to wait for the sea to calm down! If you have to reach your target, let your voyage start and let the storm be your path.” Mehmet Murat Ildan

Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters,which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information go to:https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt

Julie Blackwater’s legs were going like pistons, a pure celebration of speed on her morning run. She pumped through the burn in her thighs, keeping her pace to the rolling tunes of rock music. The sun was high overhead; the heat pressed all around her. She gradually slowed to a stop and stooped over panting. Her muscles hummed, tingling as she stretched. Sweat was heavy on her lids, she swiped at them, and flicked her wrist to check her temperature on the screen of her smart watch. She blinked. She was burning up, hotter than the usual. As her breathing gradually dropped to normal, the adrenaline quickly dying out, her senses took in her surroundings. The air was different. She sniffed it, noticing a pungent scent. Her eyes strobed the area as her mind struggled to place it. 

The first alarm went off in her head, when she realized her eyesight was hazy. It felt wrong. She keened her vision and picked out the feathery wisps of smoke. Smoke on a summer’s day? She downed the last contents of her water bottle. The cool liquid quickly disappeared down her dry throat, doing little to quench her thirst. She frowned down at the empty container. 

Her gaze swept wildly a second time, coming up short of an explanation until she spun to the east. A few yards away from where she stood, a thick wall of smoke slowly crawled its way towards her, its ghostly mass swallowing trees as it hovered closer at a steady pace. The sight rooted Julie to the spot as her thoughts blanked, her frantic nerves struggling to piece reasoning.

Without thinking, she burst into a quick run in the opposite direction, climbing up a slippery slope on all fours until she had gained a few meters above level ground. She paused to glimpse back at it, and that was when she saw it, above the tops of the trees, a blazing wall screamed towers of thick smoke into the sky. The blood in her veins curdled, the shock pinning her in place, but only for a moment. 

She cautiously swept a scanning gaze around her, realizing that the wall of fire stretched down south and beyond view. How had she missed it, she thought to herself, snatching the pods from her ears. The crackling of the burning forest and the roaring of the fire surrounded her hearing at once and the pulsating flames, though a distance away, beat sweltering waves of heat towards her.

 Stress is a very distinct feeling in the body. We can get hijacked with an unexpected crisis along with a torrent of concerns with worry and regret. Emotions are natural and part of being human. However, when we remain in our emotional mind, upsetting circumstances and negative states can break away on us like a colt out of control galloping for home. When we have overwhelming emotions, just like the horse bolting out of control, they can take charge. Don’t clear away painful emotions, but  shift them, and remain solution focused. When something unexpected happens, acknowledge that emotional shock wave that you’re feeling in that moment. You have earned the right to say WHAT! Are you kidding me? You must become aware of what you’re feeling before you can let it go. Acknowledge it, but don’t park yourself and stay there. It doesn’t hurt for you to take a pause, take a step back, and objectively and cleverly find a solution.

This doesn’t mean that you’re just suddenly all together and over the situation, and it doesn’t magically erase what happened, but by bringing a  different perspective this now refocuses your mind. The Reticular Activating System (RAS) is the brilliant google of the brain. When you focus on a solution, ideas that you may have never thought of before will pop up, sorting and filtering through data on information that you are zeroing in on. In Julie Blackwater’s case, she needed those solutions for her very survival.  This newfound strength and understanding is not a perfect science, but you always know that when you take a step back and trust your RAS as well as your heart’s intelligence, you will be OK. Despite the pain, accept that there are always things beyond your control and that you can make some room for what could be an opportunity in looking at your life differently. This insight may not happen overnight but be patient with yourself, as sometimes ideas take time to show up.

“Change the Changeable, accept the unchangeable, and remove yourself from the unacceptable”

In Julie’s case she was in crisis and there was no time for contemplation as the only option was for survival and to forge ahead with creative ideas. When we look at what crisis has happened, sit with some acceptance of it and not try to change it, anxiety lifts. By letting go of wanting things to be how you want them to be and free yourself of controlling events, you’ll spend more time focusing on what you want rather than what you don’t want, and feel lighter and happier. Take a good hard look at what happened and problem solve on what you can do. Immediately let go of what you can’t control about it, and take a giant step back outside of the problem, knowing that you are in the drivers seat with your RAS at your side.

Four Steps to Use in a Crisis:  STOP

S: Stop: look at the situation

T: Take a giant step back in your imagination outside of the problem.

O: Observe your feelings, put your hand on your heart and name the emotion. This gesture reduces the stress response in the body.

P:  Problem solve, by using your RAS which is the reliable google of the brain, and seek 1-3 solutions. Sometimes you have to think outside of the box.

I invite you to share with me in the “Leave a Reply” section at the very bottom of the page your experiences, and how you creatively problem solved through them.

 

 

Categories
Anxiety Horseback riding Horses letting go of fear

How to Flip the Switch and Powerfully Move Forward Despite Fear

“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions”  Oliver Wendell Holmes

I felt a menacing uncorked adrenaline as my horse Remington pirouetted under me. He was a bucking bundle of pent-up energy. Turning the reins in a circle, was my only exertion of control over him. Beads of sweat gathered under my helmet as nervousness wrapped around me like a wet rope. I could feel his sculpted muscles straining, as his hooves trampled the grass under us, quivering like a coiled spring. My body hummed with the excitement; senses tuned in to interpret the beating waves of beastly body language pulsing through the saddle.

Beside us, in a relaxed pose, was my endurance riding partner Georgia. Her body was poised athletically as she cruised upon her horse. Her horse pranced high with fixed long smooth strides that spoke of refined horsemanship. His fountain of jet black mane danced in the breeze, as he gleamed spotless in the morning sun, his nostrils flaring. Now and then, he would flare a sneer with his nostrils at his opponent. It drove Remington wild.

Both horses were two worlds apart but yet had perfect timing when riding together even though very different from each other. Remington was a 16 hand Anglo Arab horse with every vice imaginable. He took sharp gigantic trots with an attitude to match. Georgia’s mount was a stunning National Show Horse who looked like Black Beauty, and yet somehow both horses trotted together in perfect synchronicity during their training together.

The Helldiver Endurance race was about to begin. There was a feverish pitch in the air, a mix of sweat and fear, all the horses on high alert. The pause was endless. 

Earlier that day,  Georgia and I had both been up at the peaceful quiet of 4:00 am in our gumboots. The horses were relaxed and munching on their Timothy hay, nuzzling each other as the best of friends, and we fed them beet pulp, vitamins and electrolytes. Now, I could feel the high octane oozing off Remington, and he was ready to go. I saw my partner was ready, her Boz saddle was equipped with red saddlebags, water bottles and a red bandana.

Cinching up my girth, Remington was twisting his neck wildly, not wanting to wait a moment more. After my last safety check, it was time. The breath in my chest was held tight and my fingers were clammy through my leather gloves, the thoughts in my mind frozen in time. I knew once Remington took flight; I was a passenger humbly aboard, and there was nothing but the wind, the reins and the trails ahead. There was no turning back until the end of the race.

That morning I feared being in control of this wild and unpredictable horse, a lightening bolt of power with massive forward motion. I learned valuable lessons from all of our horses, but Remi taught me the most about fear. He was cantering on the spot like a raging dancer, challenging my will, wanting to launch, but I held him back with all my might, afraid. When I relaxed and loosened the reins, and worked with his energy, we both flew in forward motion with ease and in sync. It was a beautiful rhythm to experience.

I symbolize this moment as a metaphor for life. When you hold yourself back in fear, worry and self-doubt, it becomes the pent-up bundled energy of a horse cantering on the spot. Recognize when you hold yourself back and cling to the safety and comfort of certainty, you elude new and exciting adventures in your life. The time is now to loosen your grip on what is holding you back and enjoy coasting toward a new experience with forward moving energy. To step through a door to uncertainty can be a beautiful fusion of fear but also freedom. Take that powerful force within yourself and channel it into relaxing and letting go into flowing forward motion toward your goal.

Exercise

1) Pick an area of your life you would like to improve upon.

2) Ask yourself this question. What one subtle slight change in your behaviour could you do to change it? It could be very small as though you hardly notice at all. Write it down.

3) Commit and do it. Make sure it is small, reasonable and doable. When you lean into a micro movement, it is moving forward.

4) Measure the action, by making a statement and being specific on what that action looks like; i.e. I walked for 15 minutes at noon. 

5) Have a powerful and positive word that inspires you.

I invite you to share with me; what ways have you recently let go of fear and put yourself outside of your comfort zone?

Categories
anger Anxiety assertiveness Conflict resolution Counselling Stress

How to Deal With Difficult People With These 5 Simple Steps

How to deal with difficult people and manage anger

Difficult people will challenge you with their judgments, old behaviours and patterns along with projecting their opinions. If you’re not grounded in confidence, clear and strong within yourself, you may be triggered, prodded and poked with your emotions in every direction, until you find yourself stewing in an angry reactive emotion. This can be stressful, physically exhausting and wreak havoc with your nervous system.

Anger Can Drain Our Energy Quickly

Reactive angry emotions can drain our energy extremely quickly. Let’s look at ways that we can release this old familiar pattern that is reactive, and drawn into people’s drama. You can learn ways of thriving in every situation, joyfully without fear and create a different perspective. You have everything you need to experience life with your feet planted firmly on solid ground, without being tossed and pushed around by circumstance, people’s negativity and your own thoughts.

Reacting to a Negative Event Causes a Chaotic Heart Rhythm

If you go over and over in your mind about a negative incident that happened after being harmed emotionally, you are adding more pain to the already traumatizing event. Ruminating of how things could have gone differently in an interaction, is illogical, as no amount of thinking about it changes the facts it is a past event. The sooner you let go of it, the better it is for your health. Reacting to a negative event causes a chaotic heart rhythm, as well as a flood of the stress hormones cortisol and adrenaline, which can lead to stress-related disorders such as heart disease, anxiety, depression, insomnia and weight gain. Some people are bad for our health.

Learn The Fine Art Of Bold Communication Skills


Associate with people who are positive and supportive and if it is possible, let go, modify contact, or assert yourself with critical and negative people. Think of this as a step you take for your physical and mental well-being. It is important to identify who these people are and take action. Setting clear boundaries can improve your relationship with them. By learning the skill of assertiveness, you are saying to yourself and others that you value yourself, and it will set the tone for mutual respect. With practice, you can learn the fine art of bold communication skills, and this will help you set clear boundaries.

Quick Emergency Exercise After An Argument

1) Imagine that there is a drain  at the bottom of your feet.

2) Exhale out any negativity and see it disappear outside of yourself as it goes out of the drain at the bottom of your feet.

3) Inhale again breathing in fresh clean air and white light.

4) Keep exhaling negative material out of the drain and inhaling the clean white light until you feel clean, clear, and lighter.

5) Stay there for one minute and notice the peaceful and clear feeling you have. 

Through repetition, you become skilled with developing a filter that allows things in that make you feel good, and filtering out what is harming you, or could cause you harm. By taking on another’s negativity you’re harming yourself. Pay attention to how good it feels to have a peaceful feeling that is strong and wise. Each interaction in your life is teaching you valuable life lessons. Protect your well- being like gold.

I invite you to share with me your wisdom, experiences and insights.

Kim co authored the #1 Bestselling book Emotional Intelligence: Mental Health Matters,which provides a set of supportive tools and inspiring stories to help women conquer negative influences, harness the power of psychological wellness and thrive emotionally.For more information go to:
https://www.awomanofworth.com/kim-mowatt

Categories
Anti-Aging Costa Rica happiness Healing Stress visualization

Try This Simple Two Minute Fast and Effective Technique For Stress Relief

Learn to stay calming reduce anxiety and fear to maintain mental health and well being during stress, change and uncertainty.
Train yourself to stay calm during a crisis instead of reacting with stress and anxiety during a change.

Train Yourself to Become Calm during a Crisis

President Harry Truman dealt with stress remarkably well during World War II. His stressful job did not appear to have aged him, and he still had a youthful vitality. When asked how he did it, he stated “I have a foxhole in my mind.” His explanation was, that as a soldier needs recuperation and rest in a foxhole, he needed a retreat into his imagination to recover and rejuvenate from pressure.

When Mentally Exhausted Create a Foxhole in Your Mind

We can create this foxhole in our minds when mentally exhausted and drained by redirecting our thoughts into a movie of our own making. As your nervous system does not know the difference between a real or imagined experience, you can release yourself from worry and strain, with a two minute mental vacation.  

“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.” 

Steve Maraboli; Author of Unapologetically You: Reflections on Life and the Human Experience

Stop,Pause and Recognize Your Stress

My forehead quilted in the tension,and I took a deep inhale after a stressful staff meeting. I went for a coffee break, in a quagmire of baffled cerebral congestion. While listening to the familiar, comforting slapping of Marlie’s clogs down the hallway, my mind is now travelling.

In times where everything I’ve known crumbles away, giving way to disorder and chaos, I remind myself of a distant memory; one I carry along with me on my mental journeys. A memory of a place untampered by civilization. An island away from the rest of the world.

This place was a secluded beach I and Glenn had found, close to Cabuya, Costa Rica. We were the only souls there, besides the creatures that held us in wonderment.

There was a vast stretch of white untampered sand, strewn with stones and adorned with seashells, the lapping waves washed the pebbled shores a crystal white, and the weeping jungle reached out from the tree line towards the sea, with howling monkeys dangling from its lean branches. Parakeets hopped along on the higher branches, quickly scurrying away when the capuchins neared them. The Capuchins were smaller monkeys than the howler monkeys and a native to the area. My curiosity led me to them, but I stopped short when the nearest one bared vicious canines at me.

Across the sand, crawling creatures emerged to witness us. Iguanas skittered away as we crossed the girth, bobbing their heads in mutual curiosity at us, and skittering further away when we neared them. Out in the distance, across the waters, massive aerial harpoons descended from the skies, pelicans aimed for prey. The minute display spun my mind.

This place is away from the rest of the world, a part of the earth allowed to grow untamed, closed off by nature itself, its thick vegetative arms cradled the bay, and stretched as far as vision carried till it transcended to jutting rocks that rose high into steep terrifying cliffs, a home to a diverse array of fauna and animals. The shrill calls of life from the trees were almost lost to the rushing roars of crashing waves, and the gentle stroking of cool and whistling salt breeze.

In my mind, this place is wild and far-reaching, unbridled in it’s growth, reminding me of how unruly and untamed our minds can be. Every time I find myself with cluttered thoughts, I’m reminded of this place and of the essence in practicing steadiness of mind daily. Bring your mind gently back to a peaceful place when it gets lost in a swirl of thought and worry.

By finding a peaceful and quiet sanctuary in your imagination you positively shift both your neurochemistry and heart rhythm which benefits health. Our life is a work of art, and we can become the masters of directing and creating our story. 

Whenever you feel tension mounting, give your mind the break that it deserves with beautiful memories. Create a two-minute experience to boost your brain chemistry, and practice it regularly. Studies show this can increase your productivity and effectiveness at work by reducing stress. I invite you to share with me your thoughts in the comments below. Where will you go on your next vacation?